Was looking at the past entry titled 'grandpa' on 24th August. It was just merely less than 2 months. I still remember that day so clearly and i thought that it wouldn't happen that fast. That day i nearly lost him.
17th October 2006
Mom received a call from aunt 1 plus in the morning from my grandpa's place saying ah gong was in great pain. Mom rushed down. Doc came over in the wee morning and injected ah gong with morphine to ease his pain. At 3am plus received a call again from grandpa's place.
This time my mom says:
"ah gong had passed away"
I was staring in the air after i heard that news. I didn't know how to react. I just couldn't accept it. Change my clothes and rushed over to my grandpa's house. Was thinking so much while dad drove us there. Saw ah gong lying in his room and mom ask me to go in and call ah gong.
The moment i when wanted to call 'ah gong' tears began to run down.
I didn't manage to see him for the last time.
Memories of my grandpa began to flood into my mind.
I miss the days when all cousins stayed over at his house when we were in primary school.
I miss the days when all the cousins woke up early at 5 plus to company ah gong for his morning exercise.
I clearly remember the way he use to exercise.
I miss those days while me and my cousins were playing 'masa masa' while waiting for him to finish his exercise.
I miss those days when he will buy mouse cake for us.
I miss the days when he will stand in the kitchen slicing his bread.
I miss those days when he will go to sleep after having his lunch.
I miss those days when he will make his own very hot
I miss those days hearing him saying 'pong' while playing his mahjong game with my parents, auntie and uncle.
I miss those days when he will keep waking us up if we wake up too late.
I miss those days when he will use a comb to comb his long and white eyebrow.
I miss those days when he never fails to wear a sock to sleep.
I miss those days.....
I really miss those days...
Now i only have him in my memories. Beautiful memories.
I have the most handsome grandpa who never flare up before. I had never seen him flaring up.
Seeing him lying in the coffin to me feels like he is sleeping so soundly. For one moment, I thought that he was going to wake up.
Seeing his coffin slowly moving in for cremenation really make my heart ache. For that moment i really want him back so badly. I long for his presence. I cried and cried hoping that the coffin would stop moving in for cremenation.
Grandma couldn't take it as she lost her soul mate while i lost my beloved grandpa.
Was looking back at those pictures we took together. The picture we took was on Feb. That time he was still perfectly fine. It's only merely 8 months ago and things change so much.
For now i know he is being ease from all those pains. I'm glad that he didn't need to be torture from those sicknesses. I know for now he is happy. For now i know he is enjoying.
I'm holding back my tears while writing this entry. Writing this entry really bring back so much memories of him. Writing this entry too makes me open my wound again.
Mom said during the period when he was sick he always say this to my mom and auntie: "Yi er san, wo men yi qi zou" meaning "one two three, lets walk together". During that time grandpa was too weak to walk and my mom and aunt will always support him while walking. This sentence will always be remembered deeply in my heart.
I miss so grandpa so much now. I still couldn't accept the fact the he is gone. I guess time will heal everything.
He may be out of my sight now but his teachings will remain deeply in my heart.I have the greatest memories of him in my mind which i will never make myself to forget.
No more "ah mian" which my grandpa would call me. No more seeing him doing those exercises. No more seeing him during weekends when we visit him. No more of anything he uses to do. No more.........
You are the greatest grandpa I've ever seen.
I love u grandpa.